Big regret

My husband and myself, deep down, never wanted to have the vasectomy in the first place. My last 3 preganacies and deliveries were complicated to say the least....and after some significant family pressure we decided it was best. I do conceide that because of my health it was a pretty book smart decision. But I have never felt I was done haveing children. I miss being pregnant....for some reason when I think back to my pregnancies it's almost as if it was happening to someone else....and I want to experiance it again. One thing I will never forget is how cool it was to have DH have his hands around my waist and tummy all the time.
But in the last 7 years since the vasectomy my health has impoved. We finally got to the bottom of things and discovered that I have (as do 2 of my daughters) Celiac Disease. As long as I stay on my gluten free diet I feel just fine. That is something I never had in my 20's while I was having my children....the ability to feel fine. I was always sick. How I had my 4 girls I will never know how we got through it. But it feels like now is our big chance to do it and enjoy it.
Before we had no family around, no one to help, no friends really to speak of and were isolated. Now we are both secure in our jobs (which I would leave after I had the baby) have great friends, my Dad lives near-by and I have my 4 older daughters that could help. My bottom three daughters were all born in under 3 years.....bing..bang..boom...so it was as if they were raised,potty trained and off to school almost at the same time......they don't even know what it's like to have a baby in the house. It makes me smile to think of what they will say when they find out if they have a new brother or sister. What a wonderful energy it would bring to the house.

I feel I need to post these feelings here because my family is not understanding. They would like to be I think....it's just that I think they see things finally getting good for us...health issues are resolving.....we are on the edge of financial issues resolving and now we are going to dive back into it all again. But since I can't talk to them....and my husband only can hear me talk about it so much :)....I will write it all down here. That should give me a nice break from being on facebook all the time......just kidding